Yes, you could leave grape juice out until it turns into something more bitter, mix in some sugarlumps, and call it sippable. Why bother? Haven't you ever heard of Four Loko? It's only $2.49.
The Stockpiling Begins...
Submitted by Anonymous in Durham
Even if you have heard of it, it's too late to buy any. Many states have banned the caffeinated, heroin-addled alcoholic beverage. North Carolina is succumbing to peer-pressure next week. Each state's weakness on this issue is analogous to every 401k account in the world rolling over for the financial markets and saying "pour acid in any crevices you see, I'll do whatever you want." Even this dog is pissed.
Bev (seriously? Bev?) Purdue wants retailers to push the product off their shelves and into dumpsters littering the already polluted streets. That's right, Bev is pushing pollution; another dirty politician.
We figured we might as well let our mouths be the dumpsters, like we did when we heard rumor that kids go around seeking candy at the end of October. We dressed up as Hot Cops for Halloween and forced younguns into handing us their goods, then shoved said goods down each others throats. Gluttony is a sin, but it's not even in the top ten sins (prove otherwise, please), so conject elsewhere if you are looking for a target for your moral conjecture. We, on the other hand, will be playing Prussian Roulette with the Four Whoremen for the Lokopalyspe.
The cashier turns away when we ask if he will voluntarily stop selling Four Loko.
"Four Loko me in the eyes when you say no!"
The Final Product
"That's $100+ worth of a Generally Bad Idea." -Bev Purdue
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