According to most virtual online medical professionals who discourse on the topic of abortion abortion, the worst thing you can do to a previous "abortion candidate" is actually tell them they were a candidate. Can you imagine your mom holding your near-abortion over your head whenever you forgot to do your homework or tuck your jeans into your socks before riding a bike? I can.
Have you seen Lost? During the last season of the TV show there were multiple plotlines running with the concept of "candidates." One of the show's creators, Carlton Cuse, is himself a former candidate. In an interview with a Taiwanese newspaper, Carlton revealed his feelings on the topic:
Taiwan: Some Lost theorists think, everyone on island dead whole time. Let's say this true. This mean all "candidates" actually aborted babies?
Carlton (crying): Yes. (sob) You know, I once was almost on that island.
Taiwan: No man island, Carlton.
Carlton: Except Darrelle Revis. (painful laugh through his tears, end of interview)
Don't be like Carlton. If you have an unquenchable desire to tell your kid about their unfortunate but irrelevant past, first _____.
a.) Count to 8... sideways
b.) Paws, like a cat on birth control
c.) Wait, like Corporate America for a capitalist Jesus
d.) Hold your breath, like a ketchup bottle caught up in mustard gas
If you send off the right vibes, your offspring will approach you wondering if they were ever almost aborted. When they breach the subject, fire away. It will spice up future discussions, make for interesting Easter dinners, and create such large psychological chasms that only a fat lady singing could burn the bridge over that wide of a gap.
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| Get Lost. |
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