Why the first time hurts so much

People often ask "Why does the first time HURT SO MUCH?." Nobody knows, but every body does. 

Here are the typically given (but wrong) responses:

• There Will be Blood; there are no pads.
• That "YAY!" moment followed by the unavoidable accompaniment of busted flesh.
• Precaution and protection are thrown out the door in favor of passion and puerile emotion.
• You're concerned with how you look, and you look stupid.

Here's the real reason it hurts: You're doing it sober. Have a few drinks, toss off those inhibitions, and approach that blinding light at the end of the tunnel with the speed of the sound of your injured screams.

Hey, maybe you just aren't ready. Nobody said you have to rush into it. Practice in your head; flex the needed muscles on a daily basis until you're sure you can pull off even the most complex positioning without trepidation. For society's sake, watch some damn videos and lesson up on the subject. You aren't the first person in the world to feel confused about doing it for the first time and you definitely won't be the last, because kids will be kids until we do away with kids entirely. 

They do it with shadows.