Selling your O-Face "Photo Booth" on Ebay

Face it. You are a card-carrying subscriber to Things White People do at Parties: The Quarterly Edition. You purchase everything they're peddling and sometimes they even let you write a guest column. The primary sources of entertainment at your holiday party this year consisted of Pink Panty Droppers (frat-boy milky), a dirty Santa gift exchange (walking-on-eggshell white), and an ugly Christmas sweater contest (white-on-white fashion crime). Not fair, you say? You have a multi-cultural group of friends, you say? Please, please, and by the way, puh-leeez. Your Asian friends are so white they make the Pillsbury Dough Boy look like Wesley Snipes. Your Asian friends are so white they inspired an O-Face Photo Booth.

How did I know about that? How does the world know about that? Your white friends posted their white pictures on Facebook, that's how. Your Uncle saw them too, he's on Facebook. Of course he is, he's white.

Let's let this sink in. That. Is. The. Whitest. Thing. I. Have. Ever. Seen. It's so white its almost clear. I hope there weren't any underage girls at your party. If they were at your party, they also were white. Fear not, it's not too late, you can still rehabilitate your image.

Step one: Shower

Step two: Repeat

Step three: Put on that Kanye song you like (baby steps) and clean the house

Step four: Dispose of 0-Face photo booth.

Disposal Guidelines

Don't give it to Willy, the Senior Citizen your roommate adopted for this Christmas season. His name is Willy, he don't want no part of that shit. He asked for sweatpants. When he poops all over in his sweatpants, nobody can tell (yeah, right). But if he pooped on the photo booth? Visible defecation = no discretion = no more friends for Willy.

For the love of Larry Bird, don't put it on Ebay. I know it holds sentimental value to you and your creepy friends, but trust me, its not worth the wrapping paper it rode in on. You'll inevitably have to include photos of your family, friends and white co-workers embarrassing themselves. For profit. Mighty white of ya'.

Recycle - In the literal sense; regifting doesn't count. Don't give it away to a Caucasian Elephant. That's exactly what the velociraptors want you to do.

Step five: Throw some D's on that bitch.