Swinger Parties

If there are two things I know it's that existentialism is real and that swinging without restraint is bad for the heart bones. For those who may not know, a swinger is someone who thinks every room in the house is a potential playground and that marriage is between a square peg and however many round holes that square peg can get to come over on a Tuesday night.

Swinging started in the animal kingdom around the time animal rights became popular in China. Most animals have sex: Fact. The "missionary" and the "falling goat grab" are favorites among the more conservative creatures - but it's still sex. There are some animals, however, that take inbreeding to the next level. These are the swingers. To them, sex is a joke with 85 punch lines and a gene pool is what happens on the forest floor whenever a group of monkeys comes together.


According to LiveScience:

• Bonobo moms hit up their kids when they're feeling frisky
• Spotted Hyenas can't help but cross swords because all the ladies have boom-boom sticks
• Male walruses have recently admitted that they are basically just large, cold-water penises
• Hanging flies seduce with delectable snacks: Aphrodisiacs
• Little Brown Ant-anus mouse things touch their males so hard the men drop dead afterward